The Universe Began With Our Eyes Closed
by dutiesofcare
Summary: In a quiet dark room, Clara tells the Doctor about the time she visited him as a child. Tag to S8 episode Listen.


**A/N:** **Based on the episode Listen, where Clara tells the Doctor the words he lived by his entire life.**

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 **The Universe Began With Our Eyes Closed**

He had never been fond of the dark.

His entire incredibly long life, ever since he was just a child freely running around Gallifrey, the Doctor had always been terrified of the dark, for he knew all the evil in the universe lurked in the shadows – that's what they had told him, that's why they told him to stay away from the darkness of the cloisters.

Perhaps that had been his reason to adventure himself through them. To prove there was nothing but ghosts amidst the cloisters; to prove he wasn't as frightened as all the Time Lords who found themselves superior for their big hats and ridiculous robes.

What he learned instead, however, was that ghosts were scary too.

Hence why he was desperate to wake up in a completely dark room – even now at the highlight of his 2000s – with no recollection of what had happened nor how much time had it been since his last memory.

He didn't care about any of those, though. He wasn't supposed to be afraid of the dark, not when the universe began when he had his eyes closed. His only concern, apart from being swallowed by the darkness, was the whereabouts of his earthly companion.

 _Where's_ _Clara?_

"I'm here," a whispered voice uttered from the distance, a voice he didn't need any light to tell to whom it belonged. Only didn't he recall calling for her out loud. _Had he said her name aloud? Had they come to a point in their relationship they could read each other's minds just like that?_

"Clara," he managed to force her name out of his throat, when it felt so hoarse and dry. Slowly and dragged, he pushed his tired frightened body to a sitting position. "Clara."

"I'm here," she repeated, this time her words being spoken a little harder. "I can't come to you, they've chained my ankle."

"I'll go to you, then," he stated, moving his legs in order to stand up, only then hearing the sound of chains scratching across the ground. He sighed, "Guess I'm locked up too. But don't worry, I'll just—"

"—sonic your way out?" she jumped in, adding before he could reply, "In case you haven't noticed, you don't have your shades on you. It fell off your face when they knocked you out and shoved me away before I could grab it."

"Oh," he cried as his jaw fell. "Why… Why didn't they knock you out too?"

"Dunno," she shrugged, "Maybe because I wouldn't annoy them to death with my incessant talk."

Although he didn't object, he didn't quite understand her point. Instead, he palmed his ground him. "These chains are quite long. Maybe I could reach you."

She shot her shoulders up and down. "Be my guest."

Carefully, the Doctor pushed his body across the floor, with no sense of direction at all. He held his breath inside his chest, scared to death there would be a pit between them. He could hear her whimpering closer. "Clara? Did I just touch you?"

"I hope so," she claimed, "I really dislike the idea of something else crawling around my leg."

Chuckling softly, he allowed his fingertips to massage the skin of her ankle. He attempted to bring himself closer, but his foot was instantaneously held back. "I don't think I can get any nearer you."

Clara moved her hips to approach, only to have herself yanked back by the chains. "That's not fair, why are my chains shorter than yours?!"

Struggling with the lack of space and the necessity to feel her next to him, he managed to lay his head on her lap. "Because you're incredibly small, Clara. It would be a waste to give all those feet of chain to such a petite human."

"Shut up," she demanded, to his surprise letting her hands fall to the sea of his hair curls. "My steps are shorter than yours, it's only right to compensate me with the bigger ones."

He frowned, even if he knew she couldn't see it. "You do realize the difference of size in our steps won't matter when the chains aren't malleable, right?!"

Clara blew a lock of hair away from her face. "All I'm saying is, the chains should be indirectly proportional to our bodybuilding."

He scoffed, "Then, please, _do_ complain about it once our captors come back for us."

Clara bit down on her lips harshly. "I saw several decaying corpses on our way down here; I'm not sure they're coming back. I think we're supposed to rot in here."

" _Supposed_ , that's the key word," he exclaimed, but soon released a sigh, "This place is full of ghosts."

Tenderly, she caressed the scalp hidden by his great amount of fair. "I think ghosts would find a better place to haunt rather than where they died."

"Are you kidding me? That's exactly where they would haunt, Clara. To seek revenge against those who have killed then," he conjectured, his hands grabbing tightly to her shirt.

"Is this a result of our horror movies marathon just the other week?" she pondered, not really expecting an answer. "Don't be silly, Doctor, if they're around us, then they'd haunt our captors, not potential victims like us."

He swallowed hard, "It's very easy for them to mistake us for their enemies."

Whiffing, her prints traced lines towards his forehead, having him shiver at the cold of her hands. "We've faced ghosts before. You weren't scared of them back then."

"That was different," he raised his index finger in the air, "They just wanted to kill us, being killed by ghosts is way nicer than being haunted by them. At least you won't be alive to see what they do to you."

Sensing his hand near her face, she leaned her jawline towards it, smiling when he opened his palm to accommodate her head, inevitably cupping her cheek. "Don't worry, I don't let them get to you. I promise I'll keep you safe."

He gave her apple cheek a slight squeeze. "Aren't I the one supposed to keep you safe? That's the rule whenever you enter the TARDIS."

" _Supposed_ , that's the key word," she repeated what he had said not so long before, laughing. She allowed her head to rest against his palm, "I'll taekwondo them back to wherever they're from."

"Clara Oswald, aren't you my hero," he mocked her, although he had meant every word.

"Hey, be nice to me or I'll straight away give your body to be feasted upon," she belittled, however the amusement in her voice could be easily heard.

He chuckled once more, "You're the boss."

His hand fell down to his chest, inevitably landing right above his hearts. The sound of silence was about to swallow them in, but he didn't let it as he confessed, "The darkness is terrifying."

Clara was taken aback by his statement, but still didn't stop combing his hair with her fingers. She wasn't afraid of the darkness, not when the universe began like a flick of closed eyes. "I don't mind it."

"I do," he uttered softly, scared that anyone else could be hearing, for he wouldn't trust his fears to anyone except the woman next to him. "All our nightmares lay in the dark. You see it all over again in the movies and stories, does anything bad ever happen during daylight?"

Her gestures were slowing themselves. "No, but… That's only the product of human's construction of fright, Doctor. You can ask anyone and most of them will say, the majority of bad things that have happened to them occurred during the day."

"Then why do you never see anyone scared where there's light?" he pondered, genuinely wanting to know.

She seemed to think for a while. "Because light brings them a sense of security. Light makes them feel like they're in control of their entire surroundings. In reality, however, nobody's in control of anything, not even of their own shadows."

His breaths were sharp and easily heard by her. "Doesn't the lack of control terrify you?"

Clara felt his fingers wrapping around her own. "It does. But we've learned to live with it ever since the day we were born, so we don't really pay attention. Coping mechanism, I must say."

"Then why are they afraid of the dark?" he asked, completely at loss. "I don't understand people, Clara, I really don't."

She let out a breath, wondering, "Why are _you_ so afraid of the dark?"

His fist was gradually losing the grip around her hand. His mind processing his thoughts as quickly as light speed, before he finally said, "There are monsters in the dark, Clara."

Her forehead turned into lines of pouting. "Why, did you go looking for them and had a quick chat with them?"

The Doctor missed her playful tone. "No. They came to find me, actually. When I was just a kid."

Clara swallowed hard as her breath got stuck in her throat. "What… What did they do?"

Wasn't she firmly holding his hand, it would have slipped from her grip. "They held me by the ankle, but I never got to see them. They told me to lie back down, because I was _dreaming_. But I knew I wasn't. Dreams don't feel that realistic, that scary. There was nothing surreal about that moment."

She caressed the skin of his knuckles with her thumbs. "I don't know, Doctor, that does sound a little bit surreal."

"Maybe to you," he panted, "But not to me. It was as real as you and I are right now. The peculiar thing of that monster, though, was what it said to me afterwards. Words that I lived by my entire life. Almost like… a good monster. Perhaps it was no more than one."

"Isn't a good monster no monster at all?" she evaluated, bringing his hand close to her chest and letting it rest against her heart. "Perhaps the monster was no more than an angel looking out for you."

He sniffed, thinking to himself, "Angels aren't supposed to make us feel scared."

Her wet lips fell to his knuckles, "Because scared is a superpower. How many times have you told me that? Maybe this _angel_ only desired to show you the importance of being afraid."

The Doctor forced out a laugh. "Funnily enough, that's exactly what they told me. That fear makes companion of us all. I will never forget their words."

Clara bickered her lower lip harshly, close to drawing blood. She didn't even notice when the physical link they shared was suddenly broken and his fist hang loosely in the air, not until he called out for her, "Clara? You've turned silent out of the sudden. Are you alright?"

"Hm?" the sound of his voice pulled her out of her daze, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't appear fine," he objected, startling her when he raised his body to a sitting position, leaving their torsos inches apart. He pulled his foot with the only purpose of emphasizing the sound of chains. "We're probably going to be here for a while, there's no point in saving your talk."

"Doctor…" she protested, letting out a tired breath, "It's nothing that matters, just drop it."

"I can't drop something that's clearly made you upset," he argued, his face written with lines of worry that she couldn't see.

Clara crossed her arms. "It's not making me upset. You're making me upset."

He huffed, "I'm making you upset for showing my genuine concern?"

"As a matter of fact, yes."

He rolled his eyes. "Clara."

She moistened her lips with her tongue. "Listen, it's nothing, alright? Just let it go."

He tapped his fingers against the floor impatiently. "You're not the one to _ever_ hold back something from me."

She flattened the corner of her mouth. "I do have my secrets, you know. You're not the only one who's got a mysterious aureole around yourself."

"To be fair, I just told you something I had never told anyone before," he uttered, "You should grant me the same luxury."

Clara brought her legs close to her belly. "I really shouldn't, Doctor."

He ignored her. "I'm waiting."

Rubbing each of her hands against the opposite upper arm to provide herself some body heat, she chose her vocables carefully, "I… I met you as a child."

He didn't let the reply delay even a second, "I figured as much."

She frowned, "What?"

"Yeah, yeah," he gesticulated with his hands to the general direction of her, "When I was just a little kid, I used to be friends with this girl around my age, she lived just across the street. Her name was Claire. I'm surprised you have memories of that, you shouldn't remember it."

 _She didn't_ , but decided not to deepen into it. "What… What happened to Claire?"

"She died. Isn't that what always happen to them?" he stated simply, with a hint of sorrow behind his voice. The Doctor started to play with the metal lock around his ankle. "We were playing. We had walked up to the hills and found a water fall. It wasn't even that high, I'd say ten feet tall tops, so I suggested, _why don't we jump into the lake_? Oh, Claire… You should have met her, she thrived on adrenaline. Much like you, actually."

"She _is_ me, Doctor," Clara corrected blandly.

"Right, then there's no need for you to meet her," he cleared his throat, "She immediately got rid of her robe and was the first to jump. I peered down the edge to see her tiny body dive into the water, but… it never came back up. I just couldn't understand why the water was suddenly being taken over by some red liquid."

"Doctor…" her breaths were loud and sharp, "I'm sorry."

He scoffed. "I should be the one apologizing. I was responsible for your death."

She swallowed hard, raising her arms in the air in attempts of finding him amidst the dark, but she never did. "Doctor, I'm still here. The real me hasn't died. Not yet, anyway. You can't blame yourself for something that I signed myself for. It was my decision, I knew what would happen if I dared to jump into your timestream. And I don't regret it, not at all."

The Doctor sniffed, feeling chills down his spine. "I only found out what happened some time later. The grows up said the lake wasn't deep, that she hit her head in the rocks underneath. She died before she could start regenerating."

Before she could say anything, there was the sound of a click and then of chains being dragged across the floor. The lack of light made her heart skip a beat. "What… What was that?"

"Don't be alarmed, I was just freeing myself," he exclaimed, scratching his muscles as he freely brought himself closer to her.

Clara could feel him near. "How… How did you do that?"

"I still have my resources, Clara," he chuckled, palming her leg until he found the lock around it. "You just hang in there. I'm going to get us out of here."

She nodded, not really expecting him to see it. She let him work in silence for a while, but the quietude didn't prevail for long. "Doctor… I wasn't talking about Claire. I didn't even know about her."

"That's good, too many memories of your echoes' lives could overwork your mind," he mumbled, too busy working with the lock to give her his full attention.

She shook her head. "Are you even listening? You know what, never mind."

"I always listen to you, Clara," he argued, although his eyes remained meaningless stuck to her ankle. "You were talking about children and Gallifrey and life encounters."

She sighed, "It's nothing important."

Out of the sudden, he froze still. "You said you've met me as a child. When was that? Clara?"

Her tongue dreadfully traveled the border of her lips. "You were talking about a monster under your bed—"

"You're changing the subject, Clara."

"No, I'm not," she stated firmly, wrapping her arms around herself. "That wasn't a monster, Doctor. That was… me."

The Doctor pulled away from her immediately, trying to process her affirmation, but her allegations just weren't going in. "I think I'd know it if it were you, Clara."

"How could you possibly know?" she fought the urge to roll her eyes, "You hadn't ever met me, you wouldn't meet me for the next two thousand years. How could you possibly put together the two things?"

It was his turn to shake his head, several times in a roll. "I don't understand, Clara," he uttered, "How did you end up there? _Why_ did you end up there?"

"You were knocked out," she clarified, leaning forwards to touch his tight. Her heart twitched inside her chest when he flinched at the contact. "I was desperate to get us out of there, so I connect myself to the TARDIS and asked her to take us as far away as she could. And she did. I went out on my own to find out where I was. That's when I saw a little boy so scared, so lost in the dark."

He tried his best not to shiver underneath her touch. "There are several boys like that. It doesn't mean it was me."

"No, but… When I heard people approaching, I was forced to hide beneath the bed. And the things they said… I knew it could only be you."

Struggling to himself, he came back to finish freeing her leg. "Clara…"

"You were so scared, Doctor, so _terrified,_ I couldn't just leave you like that. So, I told little you the words that I had already heard _from_ you so many times. I told you no further than what I had already learned from you."

"With no idea that you would be the one to teach me everything that you've ever learned from me," he cried. There was another click, but she wasn't startled that time. "Stand up, you're free to go."

However, she didn't move an inch. "Are you mad?"

He shot his shoulders up and down. "Why would I be?"

Clara hated the dark for not being able to see his face features. "I don't know… But you have enough reason to be mad."

Unlike her, he got up. "I have more important things to deal with rather than being mad at you for a child visit you paid me. For instance, getting us out of here."

Exhaling deeply, she forced her body up as well; "So you're going to be mad at me when get back to the safety of the TARDIS. You're going to drop me back on Earth and never look back."

In order to shut her up, the Doctor held her by the wrists. "Clara, I'm mad at you because you never told me that before. That's not reason enough for me to simply end our travels together."

She could feel his warm breath against her face, not even bothering to free her fits from his thick fingers. "But… What different would it have made?"

"Plenty," he hissed, at last pulling her along to find the door out. "You would have spared me several years of my life of being frightened in the dark. You'd have let me know there's nothing to fear in the dark."

"No?" she plunked her brows together.

"Nope," he reassured, "The only harm to be found in there is you, _Clara Oswald._ "

Clumsily, she clung herself onto his arm. "You don't think I'm enough of a threat?"

"Only to those who try to disturb the natural path of peace," he said, and then titled his head, "And perhaps when you're mad at me."

Clara blurted out a laugh at the same moment he kicked the door open. Then, they were both met by the bright light again.

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 **A/N: Any feedback here or on twitter (dutiesofcare) is much appreciated :)**


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